All Falls Down
by prettywildthings
Summary: What would you do if the love of your life was already married?  Would you do the noble thing and walk away?  Or would you take the pieces he had available?
1. Chapter 1

**This is in no way condoning adultery. It's merely a look at the other side. Love in a taboo form. And we all love a little taboo.**

**Thanks to Holly and Abby for looking this over and not judging me too hard.**

**SMeyer owns. **

* * *

_"Go get ready, Luce. Remember we have to be inconspicuous; blend into the crowd. Got it?" I told my four-year-old daughter, Lucy, who had already run into her room, her long bronze curls bouncing with each step._

_"Got it, Momma," she answered over her shoulder._

_I had to admit, I was more than a little apprehensive about this. But she had asked, and she was more understanding than any four-year-old had any business being. She knew we'd only be able to watch, and that we would get our turn later._

_I couldn't help but smile when Lucy came back into the living room, wearing her version of "inconspicuous". She had on a neon pink tutu and yellow rain boots. She looked like Lucy, though. And I'm glad she ignored my request to be anything other than her. She was perfect._

_"Kay, Momma. I'm spic-and-span now! Let's go see Daddy!" she exclaimed as she ran towards the door, before turning around and looking at me expectantly, obviously wanting me to hurry my butt along._

_I couldn't help but crack a grin at her faux pas. Like I said, she's perfect._

I realized my thoughts had drifted to this morning when the stranger next to me spoke.

"So what's your story?" asked the tiny woman sitting a few seats down from me.

I shrugged and smiled and instantly the vague, mostly fiction story of my life, reserved for strangers who were likely to be judgmental, was on the tip of my tongue.

But I couldn't make myself say it. I was sick of belittling our ties to each other, and in public, acting as if I was an ex-girlfriend that he shared a kid with. Because while he never hesitated to be affectionate with Lucy when we were out in public, he and I had to keep a respectable distance. And I couldn't make myself say that we were essentially someone's second family; that we were the reason a husband and father couldn't, or maybe just wouldn't, devote all of his time to his family. We were so much more than that. We had made promises to each other, vows. Our story may be complex, and full of heart ache, but also so full of love it makes all of the turmoil somehow worth it.

So for once, I decided we had nothing to be ashamed of. Our story will never be wrapped up in some pretty, perfect bow. But we love each other deeply, profoundly. Our love has created some amazing things.

I studied the woman next to me for a moment, wanting to tell her the truth, but always cautious. She looked and seemed like a genuinely good person. She was small, but she was so pretty. She had this open, trusting face and I had lived a life of half-truths for so long. I wanted someone to know our story. So, I went with my gut and started my story. Our story.

"Come closer." I waved my hand towards her and waited until she settled herself to the chair on my left. "You'll want to be close to hear this. My story starts out like anyone else's, I suppose..."

_It was nearing the end of my shift and my feet hurt. Two girls had called off and the day had been so hectic. It was great for tips, but I also kind of wanted to pull my hair out and pour hot coffee on someone. It was finally slowing down when I saw him walk in. He was so tall and he had this short buzz cut that made his hair kind of glow red. My eyes moved down his body, taking in his well-defined arms and broad shoulders. He had this trim waist, but his shirt was sort of tight, so you could see the muscles rippling as he moved. He was so manly, so handsome._

_But I was immediately irritated with him after opening my mouth to ask him what he'd like to order._

_His good looks and perfect, patient grin turned me into a bumbling, stumbling mess and as I attempted to come up with words, I stuttered my way through a greeting that fell just short of sounding English._

_"Uh...h...a...hi. What can I get you, uh, today?" Internally, I smacked myself on the forehead. I was majoring in English; you'd think I could get through a sentence without making a fool of myself._

_He smiled up at me. "I'll just take the special, thanks."_

_"Are you sure?" I blurted out and then looked around to make sure no one was around to hear me. "It's kind of...gross."_

_He stared up at me and I felt my face heat._

_"I mean, never mind. The special. Got it." I turned to walk away and he reached out and grabbed my arm, chuckling._

_"I don't want to eat something gross. What's wrong with the special?" he asked and I looked at him suspiciously._

_"You're not the health inspector, right? Or a secret shopper? Or a food critic?" I rambled off and he blinked in confusion._

_"No, Ma'am." I wrinkled my nose when he called me ma'am. "I'm just curious. You're the one who told me the food was gross. Not a very good salesperson, are you?"_

_I laughed and shrugged. "No, not really. I tend to just blurt things out."_

_He sat back and smiled. "I like it. It's refreshing. I'm Edward, by the way."_

_I grinned. "I'm Bella."_

_"It's a pleasure to meet you, Bella." He gave me a crooked grin and I smiled widely back at him. "So, what do you recommend?"_

_"I like the grilled chicken," I offered and he nodded._

_"Then I'll take that. Are the mashed potatoes safe?" he teased and I rolled my eyes._

_"They are. The corn is good too," I offered up again._

_"I'll take that, too. And some kind of bread?" He raised a brow and I sighed quietly._

_"We have rolls." They came from a bag, you can't mess that up._

_"Two of those, then." He closed the menu with a nod and I smiled._

_"Um, I'll just go put this in for you." I stood there for a second and his grin got wider before I abruptly turned and walked away to his laughter._

_A few minutes later, I came out with his food and noticed him fiddling with his hand. I looked down and my heart dropped._

_"You're married!" I gasped dramatically, then kind of wanted to die when he stared up at me with eyes wide._

_"I...yeah. I am." His shoulders slumped down, resignation oozing from him._

_I set his food down and stood there awkwardly._

_"How long?" I asked in a rush._

_"Two years," he sighed, staring down at his food._

_"Oh. Um, congratulations." My eyes darted around and I took a half step back. "Enjoy your meal. I'll be by to check on you."_

_I walked away quickly, muttering "stupid, stupid, stupid" under my breath. Of course he was married. A lot of people still get married really young. And he was gorgeous, like really gorgeous. If he were single then I would be confused. Plus, I probably wasn't his type. Guys like that end up with tall, leggy blondes who have tiny waists and big boobs. Not short brunettes with an average size chest. Not to say that I was ugly, but I wasn't really beautiful. Cute. Pretty, even. Not beautiful. His wife was probably really beautiful._

_I waited a few minutes before walking back over to him. I noticed his food was barely picked at and he was leaning on his elbows, staring down. I frowned, falling back into my title. I was just his waitress; he was just a customer. Make sure everything is good, his food is decent, and get him out of here. Tonight when I'm home and in bed, I can imagine what I would have done differently if he weren't wearing that gold ring._

_"Is everything okay? With your food?" I inquired and he startled, jumping up a little._

_"Uh, it's great. Thank you." he looked up at me and his eyes were haunted, so full of sadness that my heart broke a little._

_"Hey, are you okay?" I asked quietly. He nodded, then shook his head._

_I looked around and sat down across from him. "Do you want to talk about it? I know that I blurt things out a lot, but I'm a good listener."_

_He stared at me for a few seconds before he ran his hand through his hair. "I'm not happy in my marriage," he blurted out._

_I sat back, my eyes narrowed. "I'm not sure I understand."_

_He wasn't asking me to sleep with him, right? Like the guy that excuses infidelity because his wife is a crazy bitch, or won't sleep with him anymore, or something? I didn't want to come out and accuse him, because maybe he wasn't trying to do anything like that. Maybe he just wanted to talk. But, still, the thought was there._

_"God, that didn't come out right. You just asked and I guess I needed to talk." He hung his head in his hands and I bit my lip, softening._

_"Listen, I'm off here in a little over an hour. Do you want to go meet somewhere? Just to talk," I clarified. "I really am a good listener."_

_"Yeah, I think I'd like that," he answered, a small smile on his face._

"He actually ended up waiting for me, there in the booth in the back of the diner," I continued. "We walked from the diner, to the park and sat down on the old, rickety swings and just... talked. It was obvious from the moment we sat down that he had needed someone to talk to, and I found myself incredibly thankful that he had chosen me to be the person he confided in. He spoke of his childhood dream to be a career soldier and how as soon as he turned eighteen he had pursued that dream relentlessly. Edward was thankful to be making a difference in the world while also getting the opportunities to travel the world and broaden his horizons.

"Forks, Washington was too small to hold a man like Edward. His heart was too big. The whole world deserved to be touched by his generous soul. And he set out to make sure he made his mark on the world. Not long into his second deployment he was given weekend leave, which he decided to spend in in Paris, France.

"He spent the majority of his first free weekend in several months doing the typical touristy things: sightseeing, eating as much of the local cuisine as possible, and just enjoying the peace and quiet. He said he had been walking towards the Eiffel Tower, unthinkingly looking up because it had just come into view, when he walked right into someone and stumbled. That someone ended up being Tanya, a former classmate of his from Forks High School. It's a small world, right?"

"You can't even imagine," the petite lady, that had introduced herself to me as Alice, mumbled before waving her hand, indicating I should continue.

"Anyway, Edward hadn't kept in touch with anyone from high school, or Forks for that matter. So when he saw Tanya he thought it was a cool, nice thing, to see a familiar face. Tanya thought it was fate. Turns out she had nursed a very serious crush on Edward all throughout high school. Apparently he had picked up her books that had fallen to the floor after a senior walked into her without looking where she was going, on the first day of their freshman year. He made quite the impression on her. But for Edward, he dated in high school, but it was never anything serious. He went to all of the school dances with a date, yet he was very single-minded about his future. Edward is a planner.

"He didn't plan for Tanya, though. They kept in touch after their meeting in Paris, and over the course of a few months really got to know each other. Edward found he liked having a small link to the outside world, apart from his parents. Things changed pretty drastically when Edward hadn't heard from Tanya for over a month, which was highly unlike her.

"Edward eventually got a hold of her and being Edward, was immediately perceptive to the way her voice wavered when she realized it was him calling. After some initial prodding, Tanya gave her bad, no- terrible news. She had been diagnosed with Multiple Sclerosis and just the initial visits with specialists were confirming her diagnosis, and giving her second opinions. And on top of everything, her insurance was fighting her, refusing to pay for her doctor visits and treatments. They insisted it was a "preexisting condition". What a load of bull, right?"

Alice nodded, her face grim as if she knew what was coming.

"He blurted out an offer of marriage," I continued, my voice not holding a hint of the bitterness that had, even after all these years, not entirely dissipated.

"Edward is a caring person. He's generous to a fault, obviously. Because even though the moment he offered to marry her, he wished he could take the words back, but he knew that Tanya could live some semblance of a normal life if given the opportunity to treat her MS. And Edward's military benefits would give her that. So he stood firm on his offer."

I wrinkled my nose, and finally showed some...of my true colors. "She wasn't very hard to convince," I said dryly.

"Very quickly, Edward, who had been a confirmed bachelor, found himself married and even talking about starting a family. Apparently Tanya initiated the "do-you-want-kids" conversation. She was understandably concerned that if they waited too long, her condition would probably prevent them from ever having kids. And although Edward had been a _confirmed bachelor_," I said sarcastically. "He always likes to think of himself as some sort of tough guy. He's not. Anyway, he always wanted to settle down _eventually_. And he knew that he would regret not taking the opportunity to have children. So. They did. Have children, that is. Two of them. They're adorable. A boy, who is eight, and a little girl who just turned six. Do you want to see their pictures?" I asked, while already rummaging in my huge bag/suitcase looking for my wallet to produce their photos.

Alice bemusedly took my wallet that I was holding out expectantly. Taking in their faces, she appropriately ooh'd and ahh'd over them. She continued flipping through the pictures I had in my wallet and stopped. She looked at me and asked, "And this is..." looking pointedly at the little girl at my side. She gave me yet another expectant look, prompting me to get to the "good stuff".

"That is... Lucy. Edward's and my daughter." Lucy looked over at her name with a grin and waved. Alice waved back, before she turned back at me.

"Your daughter?" Alice prompted. "How did...?"

"I kept working at that diner all throughout college. Edward and I, we kept in touch. In those early days, before he was deployed again, we talked on the phone a lot. I learned a lot about him, became his confidant. He had years' worth of pent up emotions and you could hear it in his voice. He was so happy to have someone to listen to him. Edward was a good listener too, way better than I was. I could talk about something ridiculously trivial and he would be as interested as if I were curing cancer.

"He was deployed around Christmastime. Our calls weren't frequent, but we emailed back and forth all the time. They started off innocent; we had been so good until then. But it was inevitable. We started getting more and more flirtatious. We started to talk about more intimate things. Things that neither of us had told anyone else. We had months to really get to know each other. When he came home, understandably he had to see his wife-" I refrained from rolling my eyes-"and children first.

"One day I was at work and a man walked in wearing fatigues. My heart stopped."

"Oh, girl." Alice inserted a hand over her heart. "I know exactly what you mean."

I started laughing. "It's something else, right?"

"Beyond words. So sexy." She closed her eyes and smiled, before motioning me to continue.

I opened my mouth to continue when a little hand pulled on mine. I looked down at Lucy and she was staring at me, her little eyebrows furrowed. "Yes, baby?"

"What's sexy mean, Momma?" Lucy asked. I cringed, while Alice muffled her laughter beside me.

"Um..." I shot a glare at Alice, who was still trying to muffle her laughter. "Let's ask daddy later. He will love to explain it to you."

"Okay!" She nodded happily and looked back to the terminal doors, kicking her little rain boot clad feet in front of her.

"I hate you," I muttered to Alice, now trying to muffle my own laughter. "Anyway, he walked in and I wanted to run to him, but I was frozen in place.

"He walked over to me and I was in shock, just staring up at him. He grabbed my hand and asked if someone could cover me for a few minutes. I nodded dumbly before asking one of my co-workers to watch my section for a moment. We went outside and before I could blink, he had me wrapped in his arms. I don't think I had ever been held that tight. He was kind of shaking and I just...held on. We stayed like that for a minute and then he was kissing me. He had me pressed between his body and the wall. I probably should have felt guilty, but nothing had ever felt as right as this did. So when I kissed him back, I had made that conscious choice to cross that invisible line.

"That was when our relationship became...not so platonic." I whispered that last part; I didn't want Lucy asking any more questions. But she was still staring at the doors, her little face so earnest and excited.

"He was home on leave. There had been a roadside bomb. By all accounts, he shouldn't have made it home. But he did. And he was so messed up. He always had this look of panic in his eyes, like he'd witnessed something awful. He wouldn't talk about it; he still won't really. Back then he would sneak around to see me. He lived in Forks with his family. They could have lived anywhere but Tanya wanted to be by her family. She always imagined raising children where she grew up.

"Where I grew up," I said quietly and Alice's eyes shot to mine.

"You're from Forks too?" she asked, astonished. This was the most emotion she had shown since I started telling her my story, like this was the first thing that surprised her.

"My father is the Chief of Police in Forks. It's so awkward going to visit: the stares, the whispers, and the snide remarks. I grew up there and it's awful going home." I looked down at my hands and then over at Lucy, but she still wasn't paying attention. I didn't want her to ever experience what I was talking about, but the truth was she probably would. Because of choices her father and I made.

"I could still go home in those days and still be just Bella. Hometown girl. Loved by the community. It made our sneaking around easier. We weren't doing anything too terrible. That is, we weren't...going all the way. We snuck kisses, but that was it. It was so sweet back then. Kind of like your first crush in high school. You want to, but you're afraid to go any further than sweet kisses. Only fear wasn't what held us back. It was a whole family. His family.

"I'm not a bad person," I told Alice emphatically. "I know that what happened wasn't right. I know that adultery is a sin. But I wouldn't take any of it back. I was falling in love with him. And he was falling in love with me, too. It was a bad situation, but we aren't bad people."

"I don't think you're bad. Either one of you," Alice soothed, grabbing my free hand in hers and squeezing softly.

"We continued on like that for a while and then he had to go back to Germany, where he was stationed. It was like the beginning, all over again, between the phone calls and the emails. I honestly don't think we would have ever come as far as we have, or learned everything we have learned, if he had stayed in Forks.

"While he was gone, I think it was easier for us to open up. We could have these deep, in-depth talks and not have to look at the other while we did. It took a load off. Relieved some of the pressure. We talked about what this would mean. How, if we became an _us_, it would affect everyone else in our lives. It was my last year in college. I was trying to keep my GPA up, and line up job interviews, _and _figure out this relationship. It was one of the most important years of my life. It was the year that defined who I would become, the life I would lead. It was the year that Edward realized I could do this. That I didn't need him to be there everyday, that I could function without him. He makes me better, but I'm still okay without him. It was important for him to know this; it was what gave him the confidence that we would make it. And then, I was graduating college..."

_Graduating college was turning out to be a bittersweet experience for me. For the most, rational part... I was excited to be done with college. I had worked my butt off and I deserved that degree in English. And while there was a part of me that was excited to start the next chapter of my life, I couldn't help but be nervous. It felt like a momentous occasion that was setting me off in a path I wasn't entirely sure I was ready for. Soon enough I would be teaching high school freshman English. And it really hadn't been too terribly long since I had been a freshman, myself. It was a bit daunting._

_As always, though, my saving grace Edward knew exactly what to say to keep me from freezing in fear of my future. He was always an e-mail or the occasional phone call away, ready and waiting to tell me that while, yeah, I would be making a difference in these kids lives, that what I would be doing was important... it's still just a job. And my job doesn't define me. Edward assured me I would always be me, and that while I would grow up, it would be gradual enough that I wouldn't notice it. It gave me great comfort, realizing I didn't have to make the transition to being an adult just because I was graduating college and starting a new job; a new career. Yes, I'd have many more responsibilities, but that doesn't have to change who I am._

_His e-mails also served as a distraction for me. Since his visit at the diner the year prior, things between us had gotten progressively more serious. We were still us, and were first and foremost friends, the best of friends. But falling in love had changed both of us. And while our relationship wasn't anything close to what anyone would consider normal, it was all we had; all we could have. And we were making the most of it. The nights that he was available we utilized web cameras and Skype. There were even times when we would share meals together, essentially watching each other eat; like a date, only not. But I kind of lived for those moments. And I know he did, too._

_Getting ready for the graduation ceremony was a pain. All of my professors had said college had been for us. That was our experience. The graduation ceremony is for our parents and loved ones. And as much as I was dreading the possibility, and probably more accurately the certainty I would stumble and inadvertently knock the Dean over as he tried to hand me my diploma; or trip going down the stairs because my best friend, Leah had insisted that I wear her high heels...I've got to say I was pretty excited to see the look of proud adoration that Charlie, my dad would have on his face. Or the embarrassing whistles my mom, Renee, was sure to make. There was just one thing missing, though. One person. My loved one. Edward._

_But I understood like I always had to. Edward had obligations that he committed to long before he met and subsequently fell in love with me: the Army and his family. If I was being honest with myself, something I usually forced myself to do even when the truth hurt, Edward not being there to share this moment in my life was the single bad part of what should be a special day._

_I forced myself to continue dressing. I stepped into the surprisingly dainty, demure white dress Leah had helped me pick out and smoothed my hands down the dress before hesitantly slipping on the bright purple heels she lent me. I took a steadying breath and slowly made my way to my bedroom door. Closing my bedroom door in my father's house felt oddly significant to this day, to this moment._

_Eventually, after enduring a lot of excited hugs and proud whispers of encouragement, I found myself seated amongst my class in the middle of our university football stadium, anxiously awaiting the prompt for my row to stand up. I kept nervously looking back and catching my dad's eye, wanting his look of reassurance to aid me in soothing my panic. Like always, Charlie came through for me. I don't think he paid a bit of attention to the actual ceremony, but instead kept his eyes on me, his baby girl, who was graduating college today. And because of the significance in this moment for Charlie, I stood and walked surprisingly steady, following the single file line up the stairs to the stage and waited patiently for them to announce my name. As expected, the minute the dean said "Isabella Marie Swan," Renee, and even Charlie, let out embarrassing yells and whistles that left me red-faced and cringing. They hadn't been any worse than many of the parents, but their antics had caused the dean to be drowned out as he announced my accomplishments. Oh well. I guess their cringe worthy behavior had been good for something. After accepting my diploma, and pausing briefly with my hand in the dean's for pictures, I slowly, and ever so carefully, walked down the stairs and back to my seat to await the end of the ceremony._

_I wasn't surprised to see my mom's tears of joy, but I was surprised to see my dad's eyes puffy and red; a telltale sign that he, too, had shed a tear or two. They fussed over me for a moment before allowing me to make the rounds; so that I could congratulate my fellow graduates. Not moments after I departed from my parents, though, I was intercepted by the one person I had been longing to see all day. Or more accurately, had been longing to see for the entire six months that had passed since I saw him last. Edward didn't hesitate; he put his arms around my waist and pulled me impossibly close to him and I wound my arms around his neck. He stood up straight, taking me with him and leaving my feet dangling just above the ground. I had never felt more relieved and excited and in love than I had in that moment._

_His breath was sending shivers down my spine as he whispered in my ear, telling me how proud he was of me and everything I had accomplished. When he began taunting me about my parents and the spectacle they'd made, I let go and playfully slapped him on his chest as he sat me down._

_"I can't believe you'd even bring that up!" I exclaimed, still feeling it was much too soon to be joking about such a mortifying moment._

_"Oh, come on. They actually did me a favor," he said with a mischievous glint in his beautiful green eyes._

_"Please. Do tell."_

_"Their yelling gave me the opportunity to shout my own praises, without drawing attention to myself," he said quickly, and not all together sure of himself. He knew that I would always prefer to be in the background, which is ironic considering my chosen career would land me in the front of a classroom full of teenagers with raging hormones for the next thirty or forty years._

_"You're lucky I love you, and that I'm so excited to see you or else I might have punished you for..." I trailed off, not really knowing where I was going with that statement. I wouldn't know the first thing about punishing Edward and from the look on his face, he was ready to call me on it._

_"Punish me, huh? I don't know. I think I can see the upside to punishment, as long as it came from you. What exactly did you have in mind?" he asked with his stupid, perfect face alight with laughter._

_I huffed and folded my arms across my chest, stopping just short of actually stomping my foot._

_"You know that it was an idle threat. I'd really appreciate it if you would kindly take the hint I've been trying to give you for years. It's best if you just... go along with what I say. It'll work out much better for everyone involved in the end."_

_He leaned in and gave me a sweet, lingering kiss, and I instantly forgot about my irritation with him. I wasn't even really irritated. I was secretly glad that he had been able to yell alongside my parents. He was my loved one, after all._

_"What do you say we get out of here?" he asked. "I've got big plans for us tonight, my college graduate."_

_"Plans?" I squeaked; getting the distinct impression that what he had planned for us was going to change us, change our relationship, our lives. But as always, I would do anything just to be able to spend some time with Edward: my loved one._

"So after I blew off my parents and their plans to take me out to a big dinner at some fancy restaurant that neither my dad or I would ever have been interested in, Edward and I made our way to this quaint little bed and breakfast that was tucked away in the outskirts of the city. And I was right: that night did change everything."

Alice comically waggled her eyebrows, indicating she got what I was trying to say. That that night had been our first time together, and it had been amazing enough to change the world, or at least our world.

"Lucy came as a huge surprise just over a year later. We had never planned on having kids together and it certainly brought forth even more complications to our already complex situation. But neither of us regrets it. Lucy made us a family. And she gave me something to hold on to, to hold me together when Edward wasn't around to.

"Edward was, thankfully, able to be with me throughout quite a bit of my pregnancy and was even in the room with me while I gave birth," I added, almost defensively; but I wanted her know that just because the world may view me and Lucy as Edward's "other" family, he had taken the steps to ensure that we knew we were at the top of his list of priorities.

"That's a blessing," Alice offered. "I know what it's like to go through pregnancy and birth without my husband at my side. It's very lonely. And your situation makes you even more isolated. You're a strong woman, Bella."

I blushed at her compliment and mumbled my thanks.

"He's never told Tanya about me. In the same regard, he hasn't told her about Lucy. But, she knows, of course. Lucy isn't one to shy away from claiming us as her parents. Not to mention, he could never deny her. Look at her red hair. She gets that from him." I ran my hand over the back of her head with a laugh before sobering.

"The whole town knows. But it has never been confirmed from his mouth or mine. The important people, I have told. People I can trust. My father. My best friend Leah. She's been there for me through everything. Let me tell you, the grapevine goes fast in small towns. I'm still not sure how everyone found out. All I know is one day I called Forks home, and the next all my former friends didn't hesitate to call me w...names." I quickly changed what I was going to say. I did not need Lucy repeating the word "whore."

"I find my strength in Edward, though; not just his physical presence, because that's not a constant, but just knowing that I have someone who loves, and supports me through anything is enough for me. And Lucy. You'd think that, as her mother, I'd be giving her the ability to thrive. But I feel like I draw my strength from hers. She's amazing."

"So how exactly did Edward swing so much leave during your pregnancy?" Alice asked with the bluntness you would only expect to hear from a lifelong friend. She did, though; feel like a lifelong friend. And maybe she was. I could only hope to keep this woman in my life for a very long time.

"Well, he got some sort of promotion. That was a huge help. And coincidentally, his... commander? I don't know. I'm sorry. We don't spend a lot of time discussing the particulars of our jobs when we're together." I blushed at my ignorance. "We tend to..."

"Focus on the important shit?" Alice offered. I nodded in gratitude before she continued, "Don't even think on it, seriously. I couldn't tell you what specifics of my husband's job are, and we've been married for fifteen years, ever since he joined the army when we were both just eighteen. A lot of soldiers really appreciate being able to come home and leave work at work. It helps to not have to talk about it in the comfort of their own homes. It's a good thing you offer that to Edward. A great thing."

I nodded in agreement, knowing what she meant and really appreciating that she had, in a roundabout way, referred to Edward's home as being with us. With Lucy and me.

"Anyway, Edward was given a promotion that ended up making him the subordinate of a man he had met during basic training, and remained friends with over the years. He told him our story and, surprisingly, the man was open-minded enough that he made it possible for Edward to receive more leave during the times I needed him most. And him being there made all the difference, even when he could only stay for twenty-four hours. We owe that man a lot."

"What's the man's name, if you don't mind me asking?" Alice inquired with a mirthful look on her pretty face.

"Jasper Whitlock," we both stated at the same time, and Alice put her hand out, as if to introduce herself again.

"I'm Alice Whitlock, Jasper's wife." She grinned at me and I knew, knew that this wasn't a coincidence. That she probably spotted me when Lucy and I walked in and sat beside me, got me talking to ease my nerves. She probably knew that I'm not really supposed to be here.

"It really is a small world," I said quietly, a little in awe of the entire situation.

At that moment, I heard a quiet squeal from Lucy and I turned to her, already knowing what she was excited about.

"What is it, Luce?"

"They're here, Momma. The soldiers are here." She pointed her tiny finger before scrambling herself up on to the chair next to me.

I stood and pulled Alice with me, before pushing her away with a laugh. "Go get your man."

She hugged me briefly and whispered something I didn't quite catch, before she took off running.

And then, my beautiful, wonderful, amazing four-year-old daughter, dressed in a pale pink tank top tucked into a bright, almost fluorescent pink tutu, accompanied by yellow rain boots, stood as tall as she could, waving her miniature American flag at the sight of the travel weary soldiers making their way through the terminal to their respective families. She dressed herself, so independent and stubborn. I told her to be careful in her outfit, not to go too overboard in her fashion choices. So, naturally, she did the exact opposite of what I said. Those rain boots had been a part of every outfit for the last two weeks. Frankly, I was starting to cringe when she put them on, but she loved them, so I didn't burn them.

She spotted him impossibly soon, through and around at least five soldiers in front of him and whispered, "Daddy."

Lucy just sat there in awe, patiently watching her daddy cross the floor and embrace his two other children and then Tanya, his wife. Masen and Liz excitedly returned Edward's hug and while Lucy was watching them, I was watching her for any indication that she couldn't handle it. That our situation had gotten to be too much for her, that our decisions had led her into a world of hurt. But, as always, Lucy surprised me. She was beaming. Because even though she was witnessing her half brother and sister get the chance to run to their daddy; to her daddy after he had spent a very long nine months away from home, away from her... she was content just to see him, to watch him from afar. Because she understood our situation as best she could. She knew that we both had to be patient. But she also knew that her daddy loved her, and that he would always, always keep his promises. And her daddy had promised with firm conviction last night during our "family Skype date" that he would be home in time to eat dinner with her. That he couldn't think of anything he wanted more than to eat the rainbow cupcakes she and I had made, before tucking her into bed and reading her a bedtime story. My heart was breaking for our daughter, and even a little for myself... because I wanted so badly to be able to allow Lucy to barrel across the airport and into her daddy's arms without hesitation. I wanted to do the same thing.

But our situation isn't an easy one, and there are certainly times where we wonder if it's all worth it. We never wonder for long though, because one look at Lucy and we can see everything that our love is capable of making. She's the best, strongest part of us and even though she's staring across the terminal, undoubtedly restraining herself from running to him... she's content to just watch him, to know that he's home and that she'll see him soon.

Edward and I must have done something right.

The crowd dissipates; the soldiers obviously not wanting to delay getting home any longer than need be and Edward's family starts to make the trek to the exit. Lucy and I watch them leave, until we can no longer see the back of his head and I turn to her, holding out my hand.

"Let's go, Toots. We have to beat Daddy home!" I infused forced enthusiasm into my words as she grabbed my hand.

"Momma, do you think Daddy will like my rainbow cupcakes?" she asked worriedly, and I smiled, knowing she could have served him dog food and Edward would have swallowed it with a smile.

"I know so," I stated firmly.

She nodded in agreement with me and began to pack up her little backpack. Once she got all of her coloring books and crayons put away, she handed the bag to me and turned around, asking me without words to help her put it on her back. After helping her put her backpack on, she turned around and in yet another surprising move, lifted her arms, indicating that she wanted to be carried. And I quickly, and gladly, pick her up; happy to feel needed in this moment that I'm sure is rougher on each of us than we'll let the other know. I started for the exit when I noticed a little commotion coming from there.

I know before I see his face, that it's him. Edward. And he's walking swiftly towards us, clearly holding himself back from running and before I could blink, he's got his arms around Lucy and I and it's like all three of us exhaled in relief. We hold onto each other tightly, Edward and I both shedding tears. And Lucy, Lucy who is ever strong just says, "Oh, Daddy. I knew you'd see us."

I swallow back a sob and just relish in this moment. I take in everything, trying to commit to memory, because this time... it feels different. Better. Promising. And as Edward whispered to us, telling us how much he loves us and how much he missed us, I became only slightly aware, in my peripheral vision, of a couple flanking us; blocking us from view of the outside world. They're allowing us the privacy to have this rare chance to welcome Edward home in public, as if we're a normal family and I couldn't be more thankful.

And as I'm standing here, holding our daughter, while Edward holds us, I know that everything we've been through and will continue to go through will be worth it. Because a love as strong as ours can withstand anything. If it ever all falls down around us, we'll go down together. And normal is kind of overrated anyways.

* * *

**I hope that you enjoyed reading this as much as I enjoyed writing it. I'm considering turning it into a multi-chapter , but regardless, I've already written a couple futuretakes. Let me know what you think, I'm not convinced either way. Thanks for reading!**


	2. Chapter 2

**This isn't long and it's not a new scene. But it gives you a brief glimpse of what's going on in Edward's head.**

**New chapter in the next few days.**

**Stephenie Meyer owns. **

* * *

Being greeted by my family after a much-too-long deployment was bittersweet, because there were a few things missing.

Being enthusiastically hugged and kissed by my children was bittersweet, because one of them was missing.

With the politeness of strangers, chastely kissing my wife's cheek after not seeing her for months on end was just bitter.

Because she wasn't who my heart desired.

With an ache in my heart, I turned away and gave myself a moment to mask my features, refusing to let my children see the kind of heartache I went through during any given moment.

Sure, I have plenty of regrets in life, but neither of them were part of it.

Upon turning my head, I caught a glimpse of them.

My missing pieces; Bella and our daughter Lucy.

Bella, with her long, chestnut brown hair in a loose braid, laying haphazardly over her left shoulder, was looking with a tender but sad expression on her face at our little girl.

Meanwhile, Lucy was looking on with earnest, four year old interest. And the patience and wisdom that no child should ever be forced to possess.

In that moment; the moment where I saw first hand how my decisions had affected the people I love, all I wanted to do was give up the facade. I wanted to explain to my wife that I had never loved her, and had only married her out of affection for a friend with an illness that could be somewhat easily managed with the benefits and insurance that my military career would provide. I wanted to tell Liz, and Masen that they had an adorable little sister named Lucy, and that Daddy had a beautiful partner in life named Bella whom both loved and cherished them from afar, even though they'd never met. And I wanted to tell Bella that I would spend the rest of my life making up every one of my decisions that had ever led me away from her and our daughter, if only she'd forgive me for not being man enough to face my mistakes.

But out of misplaced obligation, I didn't. I couldn't. Like always.

I stayed.

At the end of the day, Tanya would still have Multiple Sclerosis, and would still need good medical coverage. And at the end of the day, I was the only one who had done anything wrong. And if I corrected my wrongs, and followed my heart; no matter what, I would be hurting someone I love. More than just one person. I would always hurt so many people.

I followed my family; part of my family, out of the terminal with melancholy settling into my heart, wanting nothing more than to run over and take Bella and Lucy into my arms and afford them the greeting that I had given the rest of my family, the greeting they both deserved. But I knew that I would be making our already difficult situation more complex.

We arrived at our respective cars, and I just couldn't... leave them there. So, I made up an excuse that I had forgotten my bag and assisted that I would be right back. And I walked as quickly and swiftly as my long legs would carry me back to my heart. I noticed Jasper and nodded my head slightly towards Bella. He immediately understood and touched Alice's arm gently in a way I wasn't ever allowed to touch Bella publically, and they fell behind me, a human shield. For once, I wasn't going to hold back.

And within seconds, I had my arms full of two of the people I loved most in this world and for once in a very long time, I didn't feel like anything was missing. I felt like I had it all.


	3. Chapter 3

**Okay, there is a story in this. But we are jumping forward about a year and a half. **

**I wouldn't make my vampires sparkle, so obviously Stephenie Meyer owns. **

* * *

_Not again, not again, not again_.

I was in a corner convenience store, staring at the wall of pregnancy tests with wide eyes. They were locked up, naturally. Because this just couldn't be easy. I kept staring, and this older lady walked over and put her hand on my arm.

"Are you okay?" she inquired softly. "Do you need one of those?"

"I...yes. Please." I breathed and she squeezed my arm in sympathy, before stepping forward and unlocking the display case.

She pointed at a digital display one and I shrugged with a nod. It was the kind I had used with Lucy.

"Thank you." I took it from her and stepped away, but she stopped me.

"Are you sure that you're going to be okay?" She was peering at me with concerned eyes and I nodded.

"Unexpected." was my brilliant reply, because really my mind was a racing mess of concern and fear.

"It'll be okay. Good luck." she touched my arm briefly again and I bit back a frown. She was so touchy feely and I just wanted to get out of here and pee on the damn stick.

"Thank you." I repeated with a forced smile and walked away.

I paid and left, quickly rushing home. Lucy was at school, so I was home all alone. I didn't call Edward; I didn't want him to come over. This was something big and huge and I was too afraid to do this in front of him. Lucy wasn't planned, but it wasn't like we were ever that careful. We had slips and we shrugged it off. If it happened, that was great. If not, well that could change whenever we wanted. But this time we were careful. I was on the pill and I was diligent about taking it. I already had brought one child into this fucked up type of relationship. Lucy understood as much as she could, but she still resented it sometimes. You could see it in her eyes; she wanted her daddy home with her _all_the time. She hated it when he left to go to Tanya's. Her little jaw would tighten and her hands would clench into fists. She came back to herself quickly, but she still got so, so angry. I didn't want to do that to another child.

I peed. I paced. I couldn't bring myself to look.

I left the room, not bothering to look at the stick. I drank a glass of orange juice and picked at a bagel. I sighed and walked heavily back to the bathroom. It was like a slow march, like my legs weighed a thousand pounds each. When I walked in, I closed my eyes and grabbed the test.

_It will be okay,_ I pepped to myself_, no matter what, you'll be fine. You will figure it out._

I opened my eyes and looked down.

_Pregnant :)_

Shit. Shitshitshit. Pregnant. I was going to have another baby. Two children. I barely knew what I was doing with Lucy half the time. I winged it. Could I wing it with two? I looked down again.

I hated that smiley face. I hated it with the burn of a hundred suns. It was mocking me. It was telling me how to feel and I hated it. I threw the damn stick across the room and slid down the wall as the tears overtook me.

What am I going to do? How could I do this again? I loved Lucy with all of me, but I didn't want to bring another child into this life. He was still married. He didn't live with her anymore, rather choosing to stay on base. But they were still married. Lucy had never met anyone from his side of the family. I was still a secret, albeit a known secret. And now there would be two children. Two people dependent on us to take care of them.

Shit.

My phone was ringing and I couldn't be bothered to look who was calling. I had called into work early this morning. Everyone else could wait.

I don't know how long I sat on my bathroom floor, but someone started banging on my front door. I sighed and stood up, barely feeling my bottom. I was in the living room when I heard her voice.

"I saw your car. I swear if you don't answer your damn door right now, I will break the damn thing down!" Leah. I nearly sighed in relief, running to the door and unlocking it, before I flung it open.

Her hand was still raised in the air, poised to knock again. I didn't hesitate, throwing myself in her arms and breaking down again.

"Whoa, girlie. What happened?" I couldn't answer, could barely breathe through my tears. "Shh, Bella. Hey, it's okay."

"It's bad." I wailed, frantically shaking my head.

"Luce?" she questioned, her voice suddenly high and frantic.

"No," I whispered and she sagged slightly in relief, before she tugged me in the house.

"What's wrong?" she asked, pulling me to the couch.

I pulled my knees to my chest, curling into myself. "I'm pregnant."

She froze, her mind immediately connecting the dots. She knew what this would mean to me. "Shit."

"My thoughts exactly. Oh, Leah. What am I going to do?"

"Do you want to...get rid of it?" she hesitantly asked and I stilled, thinking it over for a second.

"No," I breathed and rolled by eyes. "God, you're crude. I want it. But, isn't this selfish?"

"Well, B, you have already done this." she pointed out and I refrained from hitting her.

"I didn't really know what I was doing then. But knowing everything that I know now, how can I possibly do this again?" I looked over at her, pleading with her for reassurance, or for her to tell me what to do.

I just wanted to know what to do.

"Maybe," she shrugged. "But let's take all of that and put it aside. Do you really want it?"

I dropped my head to my knees, my hand settling on my lower stomach. "Yeah, I do. I really do."

"Then you'll figure it out." she put her hand on my back.

"I guess." I sighed and looked over at her. "How do I tell Edward? Oh, God. My dad? He's going to kill me."

"One at a time, Bella. Edward first." I reached out and grabbed her hand, trying not to cry again.

"It's my fault. He's going to be so mad. I'm supposed to take the damn pill every day. And I do, Leah! I do! I don't know what happened." My lips were trembling and I bit down on my bottom lip hard enough that the pain distracted me.

"He will be ecstatic, B. You know he will. He wants a big family with you, he's said so many times." she squeezed my hand and I clutched hers so tight that they went a little white, but she didn't protest.

"I hope so." I hit my head on my knees twice, "I don't even want to picture the outrage that Charlie will have. He's been so, so angry lately. He loves Edward like a son, but he hates that he won't leave her. Hates it."

"We all hate it, Bella." Leah said gently and I glanced at her from the corner of my eye.

"You've never said anything."

"You love him, B. He's a good guy. I just think sometimes he's very...complacent in life right now. Too afraid to make a major move because no one is forcing him to." Leah's dark eyes were trained on me and very serious.

"You think I should force him to make a decision?" I questioned and lifted my head so fast that the room spun slightly.

"I think you're easy on him, B. That you're too afraid to make him choose." she shrugged and her long black hair slid off her shoulder.

"I'm not afraid," I argued, unconvincingly.

_Am I afraid?_

"I knew what I was getting into. Sort of." I continued.

"Did you think years down the line? Two children into this relationship? Lucy is starting to question this. She was good two years ago, even a year ago, but she's in school now. She knows what other kids have. She knows that other kids don't have a daddy that has another family she can't know."

"Stop it." I whispered.

"I just think you and Edward really need to talk about this." she sighed and looked at me, apologetically. "I love you, B. But look at you. You're freaking out because you're pregnant. And you think I wouldn't hate what this relationship is doing to you? What Edward is doing to you?"

"It's not just Edward in this relationship." I defended.

"I know that. I've said from the beginning that maybe this wasn't the best idea. But you're my best friend. I support you. I want you to be happy because you're my priority." And there it was. This was my best friend laying it on the line because she wanted my happiness more than she wanted his.

"I'll talk to him." I whispered. "I'll figure it out."

"I know you will. You know I like Edward. That I'm not saying this with a hidden agenda because I want you to leave him. If you ask him to pick, I hope like hell it's you. I don't want to hate him, B. And, to be honest, I think he will choose you. But I don't think he will choose anyone unless he's made to." Her jaw was clenched tight, but her eyes were soft and this was typical Leah. Hard and soft at the same time. A fighter and a caretaker.

"I think he will too." I agreed, but in the back of my mind I had my doubts. If he wanted me, wanted our family, why would he not have left her? I knew that he loved us, so much, but maybe that love wasn't enough. Sometimes love wasn't enough.

"I hate to do this, but I have to pick Emily up from my mom's for a doctor's appointment. Are you going to be okay?"

"Yeah. Lucy will be home soon, anyway. I need to do something about this," I waved my hand in front of my tear streaked face, that was sure to be red and blotchy, "Before she gets home."

We stood together in unison and I walked her to the door, before she pulled me into a bone crushing hug. "I'm always here for you, B. No matter what. For any reason. I love you."

"I know. I love you too." I returned her embrace with equal strength, before I pulled back. "Shoo."

She laughed as she walked out and I closed the door behind her with a small smile, but it faded as soon as I entered the bathroom and saw the offending test lying on the floor. With a huff, I slammed it into the medicine cabinet. I knew my hatred towards the stick was irrational, but I didn't care.

I jumped in the shower before Lucy got home and scrubbed my face raw. When I got out, I looked minimally better, more like I'd stood under really hot water, rather than bawled my eyes out. I'd take it.

I was standing outside when Lucy's bus pulled up. My little first grader, my heart squeezed when she got off the bus and saw me standing there. Her face lit up and she ran towards me at full speed. I usually missed the bus by fifteen minutes, so I had given my neighbor, Jessica Newton, permission to get her off the bus. Lucy was never at her house long, but she was friends with Jessica's daughter, Angela, so she didn't complain. But she liked it when I was there to meet her. I had barely braced myself, before she crashed into my legs.

"You're here!" she cheered and hugged my leg.

"I'm here!" I cheered with her and bent to hug her.

"Hold on," Lucy told me, before waving to a little boy with white blond hair. She walked over to him and I barely could contain my shock when my six year old started flirting. She batted her lashes like a pro and had the coy arm touch down to a science. She was _six_, for the love of God.

"My mom." I heard her say and she pointed at me. I forced a smile, as my mind went back nine months ago.

"_But, Daddy, I need that Princess Barbie!" Lucy cried and I bit back a smile._

"_You have that exact doll!" Edward argued._

"_Not in purple! I swear, if you don't get me that one, Princess Lucy will be so sad." her bottom lip trembled and her eyes filled with tears._

_The look. The look of doom and parents caving._

"_Princess Lucy?" he questioned, bravely trying to resist the look._

"_The doll. That's her name." I murmured, my mind spinning with a plan. "She's not going to stop until you get it for her."_

"_I'm not buying two of the same dolls." he insisted and I knelt beside Lucy and mimicked her look, wide eyes, trembling lips, and all._

"_But, Daddy, Princess Lucy will be so, so sad." I mock whimpered and Lucy put her head against mine and went another mile with a little sniffle._

_My kid had a future in acting._

"_That's not fair." Edward grumbled as he grabbed the Barbie off the shelf._

"_Thank you, Daddy!" I cheered as I stood._

"_Thank you, Daddy!" Lucy repeated as she grabbed the box and held it to her chest. _

"_Daddy?" a new voice entered the conversation and Edward paled a little bit._

_I instinctively moved a little closer to him, but he moved his hand slightly and I knew what that meant. I stepped back and grabbed Lucy's hand._

"_Uh, yeah. This is my daughter, Lucy." the man narrowed his eyes at Lucy and then moved to me._

"_I didn't know that you and Tanya had another daughter." He drawled and I looked at him, noting his short buzz cut, the power he exuded. _

_Military. Probably high up, judging by his age. Maybe Edward's superior._

_My jaw clenched as Lucy's fingers tightened around mine._

"_Tanya is not my mom," Lucy nearly growled, pulling on my hand. "Bella is my mom. This is my mom."_

_I saw Edward wince slightly and I sighed. _

"_Come on, Luce. Let's go pay while Daddy talked to this...nice...man." I cajoled softly, turning to walk away._

"_He's not nice." Lucy said loudly and I choked back a laugh, pulling her away. "I don't like him."_

"_I don't either, sweetie." I whispered when we were in line to pay._

Always so quick to claim me as her mother. I shook off the memory and looked towards my daughter and the boy who was dazed by her flirting.

Enough of this. I was locking her in her room until she was at least 25.

"Let's go, Lucy." I called and she huffed, glaring at me, before she smiled beautifully at the boy. "Now, Lucy."

She huffed again and touched his arm, likely apologizing for her mother, and then she ran to me.

"That was rude, Mommy." she chastised and I rolled my eyes.

"Don't let your father see you talking to that boy." I warned.

I could see it. Edward would go insane on the boy out to steal his daughter's virtue. There would be an interrogation, _what are your intentions with my daughter? Do you think you are really worthy of my little girl?_

Bad all around.

"You're weird, Mommy." Lucy pointed out and ran in the house.


	4. Chapter 4

**SMeyer owns. **

* * *

I hated getting home this late. Both Bella and Lucy would already be in bed, my dinner would be on a plate, wrapped in aluminum foil and sitting in the refrigerator and instead of eating with my family; one half of my family, I'd be eating alone.

Sometimes it struck me as ironic that considering that I had two separate families; a wife and two kids, as well as a girlfriend and another daughter, I spent an awful lot of time alone. Maybe it was my punishment; the consequences for my actions. Other times, I knew that I withdrew out of this unending guilt I harbored every waking second of every single day. But, even that statement isn't accurate, because the mistakes that I have made have haunted me in my sleep long before Bella and I got seriously involved.

The house was dark, only lit by the light above the oven in the kitchen and I made my way towards the fridge as quietly as possible, not wanting to disturb Bella and Lucy's sleep.

Miraculously, I managed to avoid seriously injuring myself when I stumbled over not one, but two of Lucy's toys laying haphazardly across the living room and after eating the dinner of chili and cornbread that Bella had left out for me, I decided to take a shower in the hall bathroom, in hopes of not waking up Bella by using the master bath. Hurriedly, I shed my clothes and rushed through my shower, wanting to get in bed and hold my girls as quickly as possible. After rinsing off and stepping out of the shower, I began rummaging through the drawers under the sink, looking for a spare toothbrush and toothpaste when I saw the last thing I had been expecting and froze. There, underneath the unopened toothpaste and beside the small stock of spare toothbrushes that Bella insisted we keep on hand 'in case of guests', was a pregnancy test. To be more specific, it was a used pregnancy test with a very clear positive result. I stood there, stunned with my mouth gaping open. Bella was pregnant? When had this happened? Why hadn't she told me? To be fair, we hadn't seen each other much lately, what, with me working into all hours of the night on base and this was definitely news that she would've wanted to tell me face to face, when we finally got the chance to talk without interruptions.

And.

A baby?

A wave of emotions flowed over me and I vacillated back and forth between being ecstatic and resentful. Hope, with a hint of dread. As I often found myself, I began to berate myself for putting us in this position. Our situation would be so much easier, so much less hurtful to all involved if I were just a divorced, single father of two kids from my previous relationship with a new wife and children. And I wanted so badly to make Bella my wife, but I just couldn't force myself to put Tanya in a position to have even more worries than she already did. She struggled, albeit with both of our parents help, and mine, to raise our children despite her limitations. And even as that thought crossed my mind, I knew it wasn't my sole reasoning for not leaving her; it wasn't even my main reason. Ultimately, I knew that although Tanya knew of my relationship with Bella, and even that I had another daughter and she had always turned a blind eye. When I finally say it, out loud, she could very well limit my already restricted time with Liz and Masen. And it's such a taboo topic with Bella, so anytime I try to broach the subject with her, in hopes of figuring out a solution we both end up getting uncomfortable and fidgety, not wanting to burst our usual bubble of happiness.

Bringing yet another baby into the uncertainty of our situation would be cruel, wouldn't it? But there really wasn't any other choice. Despite all of our; all of my flaws, Bella and I love each other. And out of that love, Lucy was born and she has been one of the biggest blessings in our lives. So, to have another child with Bella would likely be another blessing in disguise. I couldn't continue on the same path of inactivity, though. I would need to make some plans, talk to Tanya and finally do right by my family, and myself.

I climbed into bed, behind Bella and pulled her to me, wrapping my arms around her and placing both of my hands over her still taut stomach. _Daddy will make things alright. I promise. _

The next few weeks passed with an awkward tenseness settling over our normally upbeat and cheerful home. Bella had yet to give me her news, and was beginning to eye me in suspicion when I would treat her with more caution. And in turn, I have come very close to blurting out what I knew, or what I thought I knew and demanding to know why she was keeping it to herself.

Bella and I had a rare night alone one night, nearly six weeks after I had found that ominous positive pregnancy test, with Lucy spending the night with her best friend forever and ever, Emily, Leah's daughter.

Bella continued to be persistently quiet, only answering in one word sentences and I finally had enough.

"When are you going to tell me?" I hiss out, entirely frustrated, "What have I done, when have I ever given you reason not to trust me to tell me what's going on with you?"

She looked at me, startled and blinked. And blinked again. Right as I was getting ready to open my mouth again, and demand that she answer me and quit playing coy, or whatever it was that was holding her back, she started speaking.

"Tell you what, exactly?" she asked with a lot of hesitation and a little snide bite to her tone.

"Okay." I said simply after taking a breath to calm myself, nodding.

We sat in silence for at least thirty minutes before she cracked.

"Have you ever considered having more kids? With me?" she asked quietly and I literally had to fight not to roll my eyes.

"With you? Who else would I have them with, Bella? Of course. _Of course_. I've always wanted to have two house fulls of children with you. Recently though, I'm not sure it's a good idea." I reply.

"Oh."

"Oh? Oh? Bella you're getting on my last fucking nerve. Do you really, truly believe that we're in a position to have more kids, to bring more children into our relationship if you can't even tell me you're fucking pregnant? Seriously?" I blow up, belatedly realizing that she doesn't need my ire, that she doesn't deserve it. Ultimately, I've put us in this impossible situation and no one, not even Bella; not even I can walk away without developing and facing down insecurities on a daily basis.

"You knew?" she demands, jumping up from her seat on the far end of the couch. "How could you? How could you just pretend you didn't know, and let me think of Lord knows how many ways to tell you without you getting upset?"

I stared at her incredulously and forced myself to answer as calmly, and honestly as possible.

"Bella. I know you. You need time to process things before you can talk about them with other people. I figured that I would wait you out, give you time to come to terms with things on your own. And then I'd come home one day to your happy announcement. Imagine my surprise when that day doesn't come for six fucking weeks," I say quietly, in an effort to calm both her and myself.

"Did you mean it?" she asked, "Did you mean it when you said that you weren't sure if having another kid was a good idea right now?"

"I want nothing more than to have a big family with you, Bella. _Nothing_. I consider Lucy to be proof of our love; proof that we've made a few right decisions along the way. And I will feel nothing less for this baby than I do my other three kids. But you have to understand how this looks, how this feels... for me. I've always depended on you, on our relationship, our family to be my saving grace; to ground me. My life is so full of lies and half-truths and all around avoidance. It scares the fuck out of me that we've apparently gotten to a point where you're not comfortable coming to me with what should be; what is happy news."

"Don't you dare condemn me or make me out to be a bad person for not telling you..." she rants, immediately on the defensive. When I think to myself that I can't help but wonder how we got here, to this point of defensiveness and avoidance, I know in the back of my mind that years of our situation have finally reached a boiling point. I could only hope that when everything blew up, my relationships with my kids, with Liz, Masen and Lucy and whoever we were going to be blessed with at the end of Bella's pregnancy would be salvageable... that what Bella and I had, would one day be able to be something she could be proud of, that she didn't have to defend from her family and closest friends, that she didn't have to hide for fear of judgment from nosy strangers.

"Condemn you, Bella? Where on earth are you getting this shit from? I don't want to condemn you or fault you for anything. I want us to talk. You know, the thing that we haven't been doing for over two months? Just tell me what's wrong. Tell me what you're thinking. What's going on in that beautiful head of yours, sweetheart?" I ask passionately, tenderly.

She eyes me for a moment, so obvious in her perusal of me, looking for any lack of sincerity, for any possible threat. It takes a minute, but eventually her shoulders drop and her whole body sags as the defensive posture that's been holding her up finally melts away and she leans forward to put her face in her hands, with her elbows on her knees, her gorgeous chestnut brown hair shielding her face and moans pitifully, "I don't know. I don't know. I don't know what the fuck is going on with me, Edward. I don't want to hide anything from you. It's just... am I really doing this again? I love you; so much, so, so much. And I can't imagine my life without you. But..." she pauses and I am more afraid than I have ever been for her next words, for her to finally say that I have pushed her too far, that our love, my love isn't enough, "I need you to make some decisions, Edward. I need for you to commit to one family, or another. And I know it's not an easy choice, and I hate that I'm even asking you to make it.." she rushes out, on the verge of rambling but I have to cut her off, have to let her know that there was never any choice.

"Bella. Bella, baby I choose you. I will always, always choose you and I am so sorry that I've made you wait this long, live in this unstable life packed full of secrecy and loneliness. And I don't even have any excuses. Just... my hesitance hasn't even been about Tanya or her health, for the longest time. I know she has other options, I've always known. I just hate being the man who can't keep his promises, who fails. But my biggest fear is that Tanya would keep Liz and Mase from me. My visits with them are already rare; they're always busy with some after school activity or spending time with her family. It kills me; paralyzes me to think about seeing them less. Being an even less significant part of their lives. But I want you to know that I've already made some steps in the right direction. I've spoken with a lawyer and it might be a lengthy process, with the custody of Liz and Masen to be determined and hopefully agreed on out of court. And it'll take some time to come to some agreements with Tanya, I'm sure. But my lawyer has drawn up the papers and she'll be served with divorce papers and a fair enough custody agreement. With any luck, we'll have joint physical and legal custody of Liz and Masen, with them spending holidays and summers from school here with us and the school year with Tanya. I don't want to uproot them, or affect their lives any more than is necessary. Tanya will be served after next weekend, when I go up to visit the kids. I don't want to blind side her. I kind of want to get everything out in the open..."

My rambling of my future plans are cut off by Bella flinging her small, soft body at me, wrapping her arms tightly around my neck, whispering in my ear, and her legs wound around my waist.

"That's all I've ever wanted, Edward. Just for you to make some gradual progress in that direction; for Lucy and I to know Liz and Masen. For us to all finally be one, big happy family. I know there will be down falls to our actions, but I'll be here with you, supporting you all of the way," she whispered reverently.

I stood there; holding Bella tightly in my arms with my face buried in her neck and swayed us back and forth, glad that for a moment, we could just be a happy couple, celebrating the fact that we had another child on the way.

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**I hope you enjoyed it. Let me know what you think!**


	5. Chapter 5

**I like my girls strong and not doormats. Stephenie Meyer doesn't. She owns.**

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I was tinkering about the empty house. Edward had taken Lucy to the zoo, for some father-daughter bonding time. Really, I think he was trying to escape my wild mood swings and constant complaining that I couldn't see my feet. I was happy to be pregnant again, don't get me wrong, but I was due in a few weeks and I wanted my stomach back. I was debating whether or not I wanted to clean the kitchen when someone knocked. My head snapped to the side and I stared wide eyed at the door. Everyone knew about me, of course, but I had never been at this house alone and opened the door. This was a big deal.

The knocking continued, growing louder and more impatient. I sighed, pulling myself up. It took a minute, but I eventually made it and waddled to the door. There stood a pretty older lady with Edward's eyes and Lucy's hair. I stared at her in panic and she gazed steadily back at me.

"Hello, you must be Bella. I'm Esme, Edward's mother. I was wondering when we would meet." She smiled at me, but her eyes were guarded. My heart dropped and the breath caught in my throat.

Oh, shit...

"Um," I was transported back to the day I met Edward and couldn't form a complete sentence. "Come in, please."

She raised a brow and looked disturbingly like her son when he was trying to suppress a smirk. "Why thank you."

_Shit, shit, shit. Way to make yourself at home, Bella. _I chastened myself and gave her a weak smile in return.

"Um, Edward isn't here." I told her quietly, fighting the urge to lower my eyes. It wasn't often I felt absolutely terrible about myself and our situation, but with less than twenty words, I felt the worst I ever had.

"And Lucy? Is she here?" she questioned and my eyes flew to hers.

"You know about Lucy?" I breathed, frozen.

"Of course I know about her, Bella." Esme smiled. "Everyone knows. She's beautiful."

I raised my chin. "She is. Thank you."

"I'm not the enemy. Please, let's sit and talk. We're both grown women." she moved to the sofa and I had no choice but to follow her.

"You have a beautiful home." Esme told me kindly and I looked around, noting all of my touches, before I looked back at her.

"This is Edward's house." I said firmly and she laughed.

"Sure it is, dear."

"I don't mean to be rude, but...why do you want to talk to me? I can call Edward and he can be here in just a few minutes." Edward had been so overprotective lately and I knew a phone call would send him racing home.

"I would like to meet her." Esme burst out and I blinked in shock.

"What?" I mouthed. I wasn't expecting this.

"Lucy. I want to meet her." Esme leaned forward and grabbed my hand. "She's my granddaughter. Please."

"But...Tanya." I mumbled, still in shock.

"I love Tanya like a daughter," Esme started and I flinched slightly, "But Edward loves you. You have a beautiful daughter. You're pregnant again. You are his family, too. I want to know my granddaughter. My grandchildren."

"I...I don't have a problem with that." I started and looked at her hand on top of mine. "But, I won't have Lucy go where she will made to feel any kind of tension."

Esme looked offended. "I would never _ever_make Lucy feel uncomfortable."

"I don't have a problem with it," I repeated, ignoring her. I didn't know her well enough to debate that. "But you'll have to talk to Edward."

She nodded and stared at me, leaning back against the seat. "So, Bella. Let's talk about you."

_Let's not._

"What about me?" I asked and my tone was low with distrust, but...I didn't trust her.

"I know that you are a high school teacher and that Chief Swan is your father. But, I don't know anything about you." She raised her brow again and I was instantly on edge.

I didn't know how to meet the family anymore. Edward and I had been secret from his for so many years. Charlie knew Edward, of course. I had put Edward through the ringer when he said he wanted to be with me. I was his secret, but he wasn't mine. I tortured him that day. Charlie came and brought his wife Natalie. Leah came with Sam. My mother Renee with her husband Phil. It was everyone I loved most in my tiny little apartment. Even I felt the pressure, trying to figure out what every eye flicker meant, the slightest touches between the couples. They knew about him, but this was meeting the man I loved amplified by the fact that he wore a ring that wasn't mine. It was nerve wrecking. But he handled it with ease. Smiles and respect and "Sir, I love your daughter so much." He charmed Leah and even she gave her best friend permission, which is so important. I could do that.

I didn't think I could do this. This was a woman I had wronged. Bringing her son into an illicit affair, hurting a woman she loved like a daughter, taking her grandchildren's father away. This was the reality of our situation slapping me in the face and forcing me to realize that I wasn't the wronged party at all. I had no right to resent Edward for being married or Tanya for being weak enough to stay in a loveless marriage. I knew all this before I even kissed Edward. I chose all of this.

I met Esme's eyes. "I'm sorry for the pain I have caused your family. Truly, I am. This may make me a terrible person, but I wouldn't take anything back. I love your son so much. We have a beautiful daughter together. A child on the way. We are a family, even if we are not bound by matrimony. I wouldn't ease your pain if it meant giving this up."

She sucked in a breath, straightening her skirt. "You're very blunt, dear."

I shrugged and laid a hand on my swollen belly, watching as her eyes stared at my hand. "So I have been told."

"He doesn't love Tanya," Esme whispered and I hesitantly shook my head, "It doesn't excuse your relationship, though."

"Nothing ever excuses adultery." I told her and she seemed shocked I said that. But I am the first to admit that this relationship is taboo and wildly inappropriate. "But, I don't feel like this is wrong."

"I suppose you wouldn't. Other people, they might have a problem with it." She was looking me in the eye and I was doing my best not to fidget. She had a way of making me feel like a child again.

"Like you? Do you have a problem with it?" I asked and I knew that I was being rude, but I didn't know how else to be right now.

"No, dear." Esme told me calmly and I blinked in surprise, sitting back. "That's why I am here. If you had just listened instead of jumping to conclusions, we could have been past this already."

"I don't understand." I frowned at her.

"I love my son. You have a daughter. You know the unconditional love a mother feels for her child. Edward is a good man." She stared me directly in the eye.

"The best," I whispered in agreement.

"He is. He fights for his country and he raises his children and he takes care of his family. Both families. This isn't the life I would have chosen for him. It's full of fear and uncertainty. But he's a good man. He doesn't make stupid decisions. He's like his father, he thinks every decision through. Analyzes them to death. He chose you, this life with you. He chose to love you and to have a child with you. To have two children with you. He left his wife for you," she briefly touched my stomach before she sat back. "I support his decisions, Bella. Which means I support you."

"You do?" I questioned, trying to hold back the tears, but failing miserably.

"Of course I do. I wouldn't be the woman I believe myself to be if I didn't. I'm just sorry it took so long to tell you."

I shook my head frantically, wiping the tears from my face. "No. No. I would have completely understood if you hated me. You being here today, telling me now, it means more that you will ever know. Thank you, Mrs. Cullen."

"Call me Esme, dear." she said with a smile and a wink and I smiled back, for real this time.

"Thank you, Esme,' I whispered and before I realized it, she had me wrapped in her arms.

I froze for a second, before I melted into her embrace. She felt like a mom. Warmth and sweet and so full of love. I hope that I could be that way for Lucy and for the little one I was carrying. Esme didn't have to come here, didn't have to forgive me. She certainly didn't have to embrace me. But she did, putting aside her beliefs to make sure that her son was happy. She was the epitome of a good mother.

"Thank you for giving my son peace." Esme whispered and kissed my forehead. "For making him happy. He loves you. I don't know you well, but when he's home and away from you, he is so distant. Unfocused. He appears to be running in circles trying to get back to you."

"I love Edward. So, so much." I agreed. "We work apart, but when we're together, we're so much better. I'll admit that when we're apart, when he's at home with you and when he was with Tanya," I stumbled over her name just slightly. "I don't know how he acts, but when he's here with Luce and me, he's so...light. So free. He carries a lot of burdens on his shoulders. He's seen more than I ever want to imagine. But he doesn't let the darkness overtake him. He's genuinely happy. I just want you to know that."

She sniffled a little. "Thank you. For telling me that. I can see how much you love him. You're a family, Bella. A real family. Don't ever feel less than that. Now, I should go before he comes home."

"Don't you want to meet Lucy?" I questioned, furrowing my brow.

"More than anything. But today isn't the right day. You should talk to Edward. Let him know that I was here. He's prone to overreaction. Let him calm down before I come back." She was laughing and I couldn't help but smile. She was right.

"Okay. Well, thank you again. For everything." I felt like a big weight was lifted off my shoulders and that was all her doing. I followed her lead, standing up after her with a grimace.

"I'm not as graceful as I used to be." I said by way of apology. Standing up was like a baby deer rising for the first time. Wobbly and off balance. Only I looked more like a baby elephant than a baby deer right now.

"I'll see you soon, dear." Esme leaned in to hug me again, before she stepped back and walked out the door.

_Well, that was fun._

I stared at the door for a long minute before I shook myself out of the zone and waddled to the kitchen. It really did need cleaned. I sighed with resignation and was going for the dishes when the door banged open. I ran, well walked as quickly as I could, to see what the commotion was.

Edward was striding down the hall, Lucy passed out on his shoulder, with wide panicked eyes. His hair was in complete disarray, even more so than usual.

"What's wrong?" I demanded, walking up to check on Lucy. "What's wrong?"

"Was that my mom's car driving down the street?" Edward demanded, his voice kind of high and squeaky. I let out a sigh of relief when I realized Lucy was unharmed, just asleep.

"Oh. Yeah. It totally was." I looked at his empty hands. "Where's my food? You PROMISED you'd bring me home a double quarter pounder."

"Seriously, Bella? You're worried about food?" He was staring at me with those eyes, still so wide and panicked and all I could do was stare at him suspiciously.

"Worried about food?" I poked his shoulder lightly. "What are you trying to say, Edward? Hmm?"

His eyes darted around the room. "What? No. I didn't mean that. Quit twisting my words."

"Are you calling me irrational now?" I screeched and Lucy shifted in his arms. "Fat and irrational?"

"Bella..." he trailed off and I glared at him before turning and walking to the linen closet.

I stood inside for a minute, taking a few deep breaths before I grabbed some blankets and a pillow.

"What are you doing?" Edward asked warily as I marched past him.

"I'm not going to subject you to my ugly fat and being irrational. You can sleep on the couch." I started tucking a blanket around the couch cushions.

"What are you talking about?" he asked helplessly and I shot him another glare.

"I just wanted a burger. And a shake. That's all. You just had to go and say that I was fat." a tear rolled down my face and I brushed it away impatiently. "Give me Lucy. I think I'm going to take a nap."

"You're not supposed to be lifting." Edward said cautiously.

"That's a dumb rule. You made the doctor agree to it. I can carry my daughter." I held my hands out for her but he held on.

"How about I carry her to her bed?" I huffed and walked past him.

"Fine. But you're still sleeping on the couch."

I went and lay down on the bed. It was a hassle getting comfortable now. I had a pillow behind my back, one between my legs, one under my stomach, and two under my head. Once I was settled between the pillows, I couldn't move or I'd have to start the whole thing over. I couldn't wait until I was able to move about the bed freely again. I patted my belly and promptly fell asleep.

I woke because my bladder was going to explode. I think I moved the fastest I had in a month to get to the bathroom. When I started padding back to the living room, I heart Lucy's giggles and followed the sound to the kitchen. I stopped dead in my tracks when I saw the kitchen counters. I'm pretty sure every single item on the McDonalds menu was there. Lots of burgers in boxes, little fry bouquets, chicken nugget towers. He'd obviously gotten bored when I took so long. I swallowed and walked forward, grabbing a few of the chicken nuggets and started munching. I pretended not to hear his heavy sigh because this wasn't what I had asked for.

"You did this for me? You bought out McDonalds for me?" I asked, my eyes filled with tears. This was honestly one of the most romantic things he had ever done.

"Of course. I'd do anything for you, Bella. You should know that by now."

"But. You said I'm fat," I wailed and dropped the chicken nugget.

"DADDY!" Lucy yelled indignantly. "Mommy is NOT fat. She's got a baby inside of her!"

"I did not say your mother is fat, Lucy. I did not call you fat, Bella. You're beautiful. You're heavily pregnant."

"You're not helping your case, buddy." I muttered and wrapped my arms around Lucy, who had ran to me after yelling at her father.

I looked down at her and suppressed a smile. She had her little chin tilted upwards in defiance and her brows furrowed together. She was kind of a little badass. I looked back to Edward to find him glaring at me. I automatically glared back, even though I wasn't sure why _he_was mad.

"You're beautiful, Bella. I did not call you fat, I swear." he turned his softened gaze onto Lucy. "Luce, have I ever said a mean thing about Mommy?"

I tightened my grip on her. I knew what he was doing. Buttering up Lucy to get to me. I could see his game.

"...no." Lucy answered in a quiet voice, but she was still glaring at him.

"No, I haven't. That's right. And I never would, because I love your mommy. And we don't say mean things about people we love, do we?"

Jerk. I'm mad at him and he can still make me weak in the knees when he says that he loves me. Especially when he tells our five year old that he loves her mommy.

"...no." Lucy answered again, her voice a little brighter.

"What mommy forgets is that daddy happily watches her gain weight. Do you know why, Lucy?"

"...no." she looked at him with wide eyes and I'm sure that I mirrored her expression. I wanted to hear this answer too.

"Because, Lucy, that's how we know that mommy is making sure that the baby is happy and healthy inside of her. Just like she did when you were in her tummy."

Lucy stepped away from me and stared up at her father. "So, it's a good thing that Mommy's belly is so big."

"A very good thing, Lucy." I was fighting a smile when I looked up at Edward. He glanced at me and I could still see a flash of anger in his eyes.

I sighed, knowing that I had messed up saying that in front of Lucy. So much so that he had to explain himself to a five year old. I guess I would be the one sleeping on the couch tonight.

We sat down to eat and the silence between Edward and I was a touch uncomfortable so I focused all of my attention on Lucy asking her all about her day at the zoo. She went into detail about the lions and I kept glancing at Edward. He would occasionally interject with little tidbits, but mostly stayed silent. When Lucy finished she ran off to play in her room and I sat there for a minute before speaking in a rush.

"I'm really sorry for what I said earlier. I shouldn't have jumped to conclusions. And I really, really shouldn't have said anything in front of Lucy. I don't want her to ever feel like she needs to take sides. I've been there and it sucks. Please don't be mad at me." I stared down at my hands and peeked up to find Edward staring at me with this really intense look on his face.

"I just don't understand why you would think something like that, let alone say it." he finally admitted and I shrugged helplessly.

"I don't even know. I knew as soon as I said it that I was jumping to conclusions. I know you don't think that I'm fat. I'm just irrational and my moods are all over the place. I really suck for saying that in front of Lucy."

"You kind of do, babe." Edward said and then started laughing. "I don't want Lucy to ever feel like you aren't enough. You are. Stop being so sensitive."

"You carry around a baby for nine months and tell me that you won't be sensitive too. Remember my waist?" I sighed wistfully.

"I don't know. I'm a fan of this look too. Round with my child. It's kind of sexy." He grabbed my hand and pulled me to his lap.

"Kind of, huh?" I whispered and leaned forward to take his lower lip between my teeth.

"Really sexy." he amended and kissed me until my toes curled.

"Much better." I laid my head on his shoulder and he played with my hair.

"So. What did my mom want?"

"Oh. Oh! I didn't tell you did I? God, she's so _nice_. Like, so nice. She basically gave us her blessing, Edward." I gushed and his brows rose in shock.

"She what?" he repeated and I nodded.

"She said a bunch of nice things about you that I'm not repeating. Your ego is already big enough," I said with a small laugh and raised my brows when he tried to interject. "But she said that you're a smart man and she trusts and supports you. So she supports us."

"Huh," was all he said as he leaned back in the chair.

"She wants to meet Lucy." I said quietly and he went stiff.

"I don't think that's a good idea." he said immediately and I wrapped my fingers around his.

"I think this could be good for Luce. She doesn't know anyone on your side. She would be thrilled to have another grandmother." I laid my head on his shoulder, playing with the fabric at the bottom of his shirt.

"Bella, I just don't know if now is the right time." He ran his hand through his hair, a sure sign that he was anxious.

"She's not going to throw her in the lion's den, Edward. She was genuinely nice to me. Even after I was rude to her. She was always so nice. I trust her." I ran my hand through his hair, trying to calm him down.

"With our daughter?" he shot back.

"Well, I'm not saying she should take her to Disney. But to come here for a couple of hours under our supervision so that they can meet? I don't see the problem." I lifted my head and looked him in the eye.

"I don't know..." He trailed off and clenched his jaw. He didn't want this.

"Why?" I asked, he was starting to make me think that Lucy wasn't good enough to meet his family.

"I don't want Lucy to get hurt!" Edward exclaimed. "Maybe my mom wants something to do with her now, but what if Tanya finds out and feels betrayed? Esme loves her. She would likely stop seeing Lucy to make her happy."

_Don't hate Tanya, don't hate Tanya, don't hate Tanya_, I chanted to myself.

"Esme told me that she loves Tanya," no stumbles over her name, I was doing better than earlier. "But Lucy is her granddaughter. And Luce deserves the chance to know Esme. If, and it's a big if, Esme is forced to make a decision and she doesn't choose Lucy, it'll suck. But we can't hide Lucy forever in the shadows in case someone might someday hurt her. That's not a good life. We can't make her afraid of relationships, Edward. We can't make her afraid of love. I have faith in the woman who raised such a strong and loving man. You should too." I kissed his cheek, he was so riled up and my touches could usually calm him down.

Edward dropped his head to my shoulder and breathed in deep. When I wrapped my arms around him and held him closer, he nodded against me. "Fine. She can meet her. But we'll be there watching like hawks."

"Of course." I agreed, running my fingers through his hair again. It was starting to grow out a little.

"At the first sign Lucy is upset, we're leaving." he continued and I nodded, "And I won't take one snide comment or remark about you either. You're to be respected."

"Okay. But I honestly don't think she'll say anything. She hugged me, Edward. Twice." I sighed again in remembrance of her hugs.

"She does give good hugs." he agreed, absently. "Actually, if either of us is ever uncomfortable, it's over. So, you have to be honest. No being uncomfortable and not telling me. I know how you can be."

I rolled my eyes. "Okay, babe. If she breathes wrong, we'll leave."

"No," he continued on, ignoring me. "You won't have to tell me. I'll know. I'll be watching you. And Lucy. And my mom. And my dad."

I stayed silent.

"Is my dad interested in meeting her?" Edward asked in a quiet voice.

"I honestly don't know. Your mother and I just talked about her. But, she could have been trying to hold back for fear of overwhelming me. You'll have to ask her when you call. I'm fine with him being there too." I reassured him.

This time we were both quiet for a long minute.

"Do you ever think about just getting everything out in the open?" Edward asked and I choked back a hysterical laugh.

"Every day." I answered him honestly. Even though he had left Tanya already, we were still holding back from going out in the open. We were each still so afraid of the fallout.

"You could meet Masen and Liz." his voice was so earnest that my heart twisted in my chest. "They'd love you so much. And Lucy could know her brother and sister. So would this baby. We wouldn't be a fractured family. I could have all of my kids in the same room." his voice was wistful and his eyes had this soft and dreamy look, he really wanted this.

I felt my heart crack. I knew how hard this was for me, but I didn't think too often how much harder it was for him. He had two other beautiful children that he constantly missed. At least I would always have all of my children with me. He was always only allowed to see half of his children at a time.

"I would love nothing more than that, babe. But, just because your mom and maybe your father wants to meet Lucy, doesn't mean that Tanya will be comfortable with it. As easy as it is to judge her, it is her decision." So easy to judge her. She was dragging her feet with this divorce, fighting every step of the way.

"Yeah, I guess. It would just be nice." he sighed again and I kissed his temple.

"It would be so wonderful. Don't give up hope, though. It could happen."

"I just miss them. I haven't seen them in two weeks." Edward ran his hands down his face and then buried his face in his palms.

"Go tomorrow. Early, first thing. Go see your kids, babe. We'll be okay." I tried to reassure him but he wouldn't hear of it.

"No. You're due soon. I'm not leaving you now." I shook my head.

"This isn't some cheesy romance novel. I'm not going to go into early labor. I still have a month. Go see your kids tomorrow." I ordered, gently.

"I'm not leaving you for days on end, Bella. It isn't happening." I refrained from rolling my eyes at his over protectiveness.

"What if you dropped me off at Leah's and I'll have her drive me to see Charlie? That way, I won't be left alone. Ever. They're both worse than you are. I'm pretty sure when I was pregnant with Lucy; Leah literally stood over me one night and watched me sleep. It was creepy." She really did. I woke up and she was leaning a few inches above me, just...there. I screamed and then she screamed and fell on her ass.

"I can deal with that." he agreed.

"I'll be happy to see Leah. Oh and Lucy can play with Emily. She really misses Emily. I like this plan." I nodded to myself and he laughed slightly.

"You just want to see your friend." Edward teased and poked my nose softly.

"I totally do. I miss her a lot." I sighed. "And Lucy would love to see Charlie. It'll be the last time I get to do something and it's just Lucy and I. Soon there will be a new baby and I'll be dividing attention between them. Maybe I'll take Lucy on a picnic or something in the woods behind Charlie's."

"Not by yourself." he said sternly, but his hands were gentle when they cupped my cheeks.

"I can barely stand after sitting on the couch. Clearly not by myself." I leaned forward and touched my lips gently to the corner of his mouth.

"Okay," he said. "We'll leave in the morning."

His hand knotted in my hair as he pulled me forward, biting my lower lip gently before he kissed me.


End file.
